so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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