guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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