I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
