then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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