Ambien. No doubt about it.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
