question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
