I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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