my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
