need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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