I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
