Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
