Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
