We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
