Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
