Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
