I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
