oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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