just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
