Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
