Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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