you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
