I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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