this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
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If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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