drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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