Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
