You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
