Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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