he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
