They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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