my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
