Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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