I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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