Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
