3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
