Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
