Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
