he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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