You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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