it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
