fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
