drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
