I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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