get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Alive.
So much puke
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
