there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
