At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
