Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize