38 yer olds are good kisserssss
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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