hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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