He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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