just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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