He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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