from now on my penis is your penis
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
