A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you would pick up someone in the library
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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