She's JV to your varsity
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
