sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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