it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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