I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
