He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
