EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
