Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
