Just cropdusted the office
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
