dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
