I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
