Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
