I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
