woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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