I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
