Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
