but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
