i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
