it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
