One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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