Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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