just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
