a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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