There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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