If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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