omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
