this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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