I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
