The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
