i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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