i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
