Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
