I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
