new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
