My friends, they love my intelligence
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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