She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
