three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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